Children go through a lot during the divorce process. In divorce, children lose their emotional stability. When parents use their child to get back at the other parent. This affects them in many ways. Our environment shapes our perceptions and when children are used in this manner they can develop fears and behaviors that will cause them problems in the future. Many parents do not know they are causing harm to their children. Many use their children to mediate their relationship failing to see they do not have the experience. They lack the experience of a broken relationship. They don’t have the experience to make decisions. Some parents have expectations for their children they couldn’t accomplish themselves and somehow expect their children to fulfill that personal or professional need.
Children should not be part of a divorce, they shouldn’t be the mediator of adult problems. Children shouldn’t have to choose between one parent or the other, they love both parents and should be able to establish a relationship with each parent. Children should not be used to maintaining a relationship with the other parent and should not be used as intermediates between conversations. Children do not have the malice adults have and make statements and comments as they perceive them. Therefore, when you believe or take a child’s information as fact this can cause problems in the family structure. It is recommended that if you have questions about what goes on during visitations you discuss it with your ex-partner and not with the children. Furthermore, children are also manipulated by parents to enforce parenting styles on the other parent. Children are also often used as punishment to the other parent by not letting the child have a relationship with both parents equally.
As much as parents claim they have the best interest in their children these actions claim otherwise. Parents need to understand children have their own characteristics, traits, and ideals and they should have the presence of both parents in their lives. However, in some cases, some children are not happy to interact with a parent and should not be forced to do so. Instead, they should have planned spaced-out visitations. This allows the child to prepare and helps the parent in care to encourage the child to interact.
Parents in positional stances subjecting their children to forced visitations, turning them into a therapist they are not, and using their child to punish or deceive the other parent. Should question their position on the well-being of their children.
I often see parents making demands on the other parent pertaining to the children, such as limiting visitations, believing they are the better parent, trying to convince their children to take sides or use them to discredit the other parent. Before you engage in these behaviors I suggest you look back and remember you chose this person to be your partner and to bring children into the world with you. If you discredit your ex-partner you discredit yourself and your ability to make wise choices.
Children are entitled to live in a healthy loving environment and share their experiences with both parents. If one parent is harmful and abusive, allow the courts to help the abusive parent and the parent in care of the child. If the child is not accepting one parent. Seek help in learning to adapt to the situation and slowly enter the child’s life. Making demands because you have rights as a parent doesn’t assure success and the consequences can be negative to both the child and the parent, teaching them to live with resentment, anger, or violence.
If you believe you are a controlling parent due to anger or resentment let us inform you of the long-term consequences and provide you with a guide to help you cope and use other strategies that will benefit you and your child.
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