AGREE TO DISAGREE DURING A DIVORCE

Agree to Disagree During a Divorce

Divorce changes lives, relationships, and the way we view love. During a divorce, it is best to keep in mind, the person you want a divorce from, is in the same place you are. He or she is confused and unaware of what will happen next. The number one thing that can be said across all divorces is to take a moment to reconsider options and don’t jump into conclusions. Yes! divorce is complicated as it is and couples make it more complicated. This happens because of expectations on an outcome. The truth is, every marriage is different and so is every divorce. The legal system has offered guidelines to follow and attorneys are given a process to file for a divorce. Mediation is designed to assess the divorce, assets, parenting schedules, and concerns prior to filing for or divorce, or in some cases during court ordered mediation.

The best outcome will happen only if you explore options and solutions and for this, you need expert guidance and information to help you make better decisions. If you are upset, angry or resentful the outcome may have a negative impact on your future relationship with your soon to be ex, your children, family and friends. A common expectations is to want the most you can get! Why? because couples get stuck on the “I deserve” and this is the most expected response. Another expected response is the amount of financial resources that will be needed to raise a child. This is often a concern parents have. Unfortunately, child support will not be enough and it’s not enough for a child to continue the same lifestyle as if both parents lived together. Although both parents have a responsibility to care and financially support their children. Child support does not cover all of the common expenses a child requires.

As a team co-parenting strategy it is best to focus on what is, instead of what should be.

In most cases there is a sense of entitlement, this being the one who worked the hardest or the one who sacrificed their career. In a divorce, there is a higher income earner and a lower income earner and both situations are in the negative when dealing with divorce. Therefore, to expect to have the same standard of living as when married and both were a team is disheartening and unrealistic.

Divorce predisposes you to the lack of support from the other partner, the lack of resources, the lack of understanding, and the lack of the proper regulated emotions. When dealing with divorce you need guidance and structure to plan for the future. You need to be aware of what is available and what isn’t. You can no longer assume or place your faith in others to fight for you. You are the only one who knows what you need and therefore, pay attention to the options and possible solutions. You are the only one who can make the best decision for you and your family. Agree to disagree however, explore all the details and make this process about how you will live in the future. Agree to disagree and set expectations on what is available and not on what you believe you deserve. Agree to disagree and propose solutions. Explain to yourself what is needed and for what purpose, explain what will benefit the children the most. Explain what will continue the bond of parenting and why? The key word is to be reasonable. Divorce changes your life and that of others around you and one must come to terms with this. You didn’t prepare or expected a divorce and that is valid to say and feel however, today and right now you are facing this change and the best you can do is focus on preparing for it. Don’t focus on being angry or on burning bridges. Don’t focus on a legal team to fight for what you believe is fair. Know what will be fair for your family structure and know that mediation agreements can be reviewed and implemented into your legal agreement or case.

Whether you’re litigating or mediating know your options and propose several solutions. You must be aware of the process, the requirements, the proposals and prepare for possible outcomes. Knowing what you can expect will help you better evaluate and move forward at your own pace and budget.

Another mistake couples make during a divorce is regarding the time it takes to get a divorce or many expect a quick divorce. Divorce has its challenges with time, don’t rush things however, set specific days of the week or month to go over information you need to review and stick to these schedules to avoid surprises. Moving forward is the ultimate goal and reviewing all aspects one step at a time will save time, money, and emotional blockages. Agree to disagree on both belief systems that hinders the process.