Note on Divorce

Divorce continues to be a subject no one wants to talk about. 

It is most likely only mentioned when it’s absolutely necessary and conversations about divorce are usually about the emotional process of a divorce.  The first assumptions people have may or may not begin in who will have custody of the children, who deserves them and why?  We begin to justify every thought or action with the right of judgment held up high.

Divorce is definitely the injustice to love but your actions and decisions towards it don’t have to be.

Regardless of who is at fault or who left the relationship, one can make better decisions when thoughts and feelings are clearly discussed and when one becomes aware of how to move towards this life-changing process.  As I said before, it is a difficult conversation to have and most who hear about divorce have no direct experience with it.  

People who have experienced a divorce will most likely comment on their personal experience and some people might advise others to mediate the divorce.  Why mediation you ask? Because it provides couples the opportunity to settle their disputes.  With this statement, I want to go into depth with it.  Settling your disputes does not only cover your disagreements.  It covers your own personal needs to discover, figure out, or ask the right questions to put closure to your doubts.  During a litigating process, decisions are based on anger and if you dare to comment to your lawyer your pain and reasoning, they will charge you for their time to listen to you with no professional or personal background on the emotions experienced in a divorce.  They will only facilitate your decisions to the other lawyer as they sit fit or based on their experience therefore, difficult to reach agreements.   Also, lawyers are based on their nature to charge for their time and their position as your lawyer; you will not receive guidance and emotional support.  They will have all the qualifications to represent you in court, but with all that expertise, lawyers are still humans with their own tendencies, ideals, and personalities.  Lawyers can be sympathetic and provide valuable information on what they have seen during divorces but understand that every divorce is different and unique.  Not only is every divorce different and unique but also, so is each individual involved.  Therefore, mediation facilitates couples with answering their own questions and coming up with their own solutions at their own pace.  I will also add that mediators also have their own personalities, ideals and style.  However, it is important to discuss with the mediator what is important to you.  If he or she does not believe they can be of any help to you they will refer you to the professional that you need or require in your case.  It is also recommended to interview several mediators and select one that can fit your style.

It is important to understand that you will be facilitated with important information that can help both make better decisions.  Mediation is not only to solve the issue at hand but also to raise awareness for future decisions.

I also recommend that you do some research on the benefits of mediation and if you still decide to use lawyers in a divorce you will have some ideas and valuable information to compare and guide your lawyer towards the direction you seek.

A divorce brings forth a lot of doubt and resentment but with the decision to mediate these issues can be resolve and the transition would be at its very least manageable.  Mediation provides couples with the opportunity to build a better future relationship.  It is necessary to understand that it is almost impossible to stop any contact when children are involved however, if they truly are your major concern, you will not make attempts to hurt your ex partner.  Give yourself the opportunity to resolve your issues and concerns prior to filing for divorce.