To explain marriage, we might describe it as publicized relationship said to be official or permanent. However, a real marriage requires the participation of two people. Two people need to understand what marriage requires of them before making the commitment. Many marry for different reasons other than the true understanding of what it takes to be part of a marriage. Some do marry because they have a clear understanding they want to be part of the marriage they are committed to. Unfortunately, many don’t go through the process of asking themselves or their future spouse what they want to accomplish from the marriage. In addition, having children doesn’t guarantee the marriage will be forever. In fact, children cause strain in marriages, and only those marriages who work as a team help their children develop and contribute to their success.
We also have many marriage therapists, coaches, and other sources helping marriages with their internal issues. Many of these sources help and many others should be explored if one doesn’t work. However, the first question one might ask is do I want to be in this marriage? This question places you in a position to solve your marital issue.
Ask yourself what is a marriage and do I want to be part of it? Here are some clear straight forward Irrefutable points on what a real marriage requires.
A marriage requires both participants to be committed. What is this about? what is commitment and what does it require? Commitment is a willingly desire to want to be part of the development of the marriage. You are committed to the participation of its success. In other words, you want to make it fun, happy, experimental, and an experience. You are the main character of the development of this story. It is not about what the other is doing for the relationship, it’s about what you are doing for it.
A marriage requires loving each other. You may be wondering how can you get married and not be in love? Well, believe it or not, it happens. Many confuse what love is and some may not even understand it. Here I will be brief on what love should feel like in a romantic relationship. When one loves their partner it’s not a love where you lose your identity or only want the good of the other. It’s about feeling love for the person you are with and feeling loved by the person you are with. There has to be a moment in time where love is felt and is not only in essence. One must enjoy their company, what they do in life, how they get along with others, the emotional stability both offer to each other. It is the kind of love where you enjoy their physical presence as much as their spiritual essence. A love that brings joy to one’s life. Not the love where you believe you know what is best for another, or the love where your thoughts are fixated on another. It’s also not when you believe your love can withstand it all. That is not the kind I love I explain here. These are other types of emotions that many believe are love and need to redefine what love truly is and its advantages in a person’s life.
We go on to explain how one must contribute to the success of the relationship. What can this require? What is the success of a relationship? The success of the relationship is seen in what it offers others around them and what it provides. The completion of its goals together, who they inspire, and how they build together. Each individual has strengths and weaknesses and the blending of all is the foundation of what goals a couple wants to accomplish. In other words, what do you want in life with your relationship? Do you want children? how will both contribute to their success? Do you want to explore the world together? What will each provide to accomplish those travel experiences? Do you want to retire in a cabin up in a Colorado mountain? What needs to take place to fulfill that desire? What do both need to give and contribute to accomplishing your common goal? many believe all they have to do is be successful at work, or at a hobby, or at something outside of their relationship. While it is important to have your own individuality many marriages fall apart because they forget to focus on “we” instead of only on “me I”. Again, yes you are entitled to focus on your personal goals contributing to society and share those passions with your partner. However, many lose sight of the contribution needed in the relationship. When you love and are committed this part is easy. If you’re not feeling the desire to be part of a relationship and build with him or her you are in the wrong relationship.
The last short explanation on this topic here is to question if you want to be in a relationship. Do you want to be in a relationship? Do you want the presence of your partner in your life? Do you want to be part of the story of your relationship? if you answer yes, then work on your own development to help enhance your relationship. If you answered no, then work harder on your self-development to help you discover who you are, what you offer in a romantic relationship, and or others. A marriage doesn’t bring you happiness, you bring happiness to your marriage with your individual personality traits and characteristics. People fall in love with who you are and you fall in love with others for who they are with and without you.
A marriage is a partnership where two people a committed to the success of the marriage, the partnership, and those around them. It is not where you expect the other to do all the work, or where you feel entitled or have expectations. When you love you act and no! relationships are not about pain, obligation, or self-sacrifice. They are about wanting to be in it.
If you are not satisfied with your relationship you must assess and analyze if you want to be in it. If you do, work on the parts that are broken or misunderstood. Learn together and redefine your positions after you understand the requirements. Everything in life can be negotiated however, not wanting to participate is not.
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