How to prepare for divorce? It is a question many ask but few follow. The fact is divorce involves loss. Loss of a partner, financial loss, and in most cases the loss of a family structure. There are two types of divorce. The amicable divorce and the conflict divorce. The difference depends on the couple.
The amicable divorce starts at a stand point of fairness, logic, and has the best interest of everyone involved. The couple reviews all their assets, has a frame work around the children and their needs, is mindful of the changes and challenges each will face and work together on reducing the impact on what is left of the relationship. They hurt however, continue to respect what was and focus on what will be.
The conflict divorce starting stand point is revengeful, spiteful, inconsiderate, and selfish. The only concern is what he or she believes to be fair “to them”, do not consider the emotional stability of the children, and has no respect for their past relationship. They are hurt and are going to act on it. They will use any means necessary to accomplish their objectives.
How do you prepare for this? The first steps to either case requires to know your assets. make a list of all of them. The home, retirement accounts, checking, savings, vehicle and other assets that are part of the marriage.
The second is to understand the Child or children’s need to each parent and formulate a schedule that both will benefit from. Do not get stuck on a schedule with no flexibility, many changes can take place and a militant schedule will only bring upon issues in the future. A parent that alienates a child from the other parent does not have the best interest of the child no matter the excuses. They fail to see the damage they do to the child. Parents with extreme controlling organization plans will find themselves miserable all the time when the other parent does not comply with “their” parenting style. It is important for couples to understand the reason a divorce is taking place is because of the lack of synchronicity between them and or lack of commitment. Therefore, parenting styles will be different and must be respected by each parent. If you come from a place of understanding there should be no issues with parenting styles and schedules. This only occurs when one parent wants to continue to control the other.
The third, dividing the assets. In an ideal situation, couples respect the effort or past efforts of the other. To the degree of being mindful of who will have more responsibility, who can recover faster than the other and ideally there should be a mutual understanding of a 50/50 scenario.
The forth, other assets such as retirement accounts in most cases will be divided equally if the marriage has a length of time that allowed these account to grow over time or if the other spouse did not have any accounts. In some cases couples are both equally invested and concerned about their retirement accounts instead of a one sided investment. Retirement accounts ideally should be equalized.
The fifth, considering child support and alimony. Each States has guidelines on child support and most likely would be followed. A deviation to child support is possible only when a couple is in agreement and equally contribute to the success of their children. It is the responsibility of both parents to contribute to the financial stability of their children. Concerning alimony, this amount is awarded to the lesser income earner to help them establish themselves financially. This is not forever, and restrictions apply.
To understand all of this I encourage couples to mediate their divorce prior to filing for a divorce. Why? because it gives couple time to better prepare and are not persuaded to argue about everything. Mediation doesn’t excludes the review of lawyers. In fact, it can save couples a lot of money by mediating and then going to a lawyer for review and file for divorce. If the mediator is inclined to providing the information as I am. They will guide you towards an agreement that can save couples thousands of dollars. In addition, many couples can file for a divorce at their County Family Court.
As we can see the process is not an easy task however, it doesn’t have to cause extreme hardship to either party. It all begins to wanting to listen, wanting to be fair, fair doesn’t mean to cause the same amount of pain, it means to be considerate about all the things involved in the marriage, being considerate of who has the greater potential and who needs the temporary assistance.
Divorce is emotionally and financially difficult the process doesn’t have to be.