Divorce is a long-term event that many couples have experienced. Before deciding to divorce there were many arguments and a serious talk with oneself. Those who have experienced a divorce can testify this is not an easy road to travel and emotions run high.
The reason why Divorce is complicated it’s due to our emotional state and belief systems.
One of the most difficult emotions to comprehend or experience is the emotion of disbelief. The disbelief that someone who claimed or promise to love you forever no longer does. Emotions cause us to react and depending on the reaction is what determines our decisions.
When one loves and the other “doesn’t love the same way anymore” there is a sense of anger towards them. There is a sense of blame and shame towards them. Why? A relationship requires the participating of both partners for the success of the marriage. If only one is invested why is this being permitted? who is really to blame? People don’t fall out of love in one day there are a series of events that show us if someone cares about the relationship or not. Why were they ignored? We must learn to listen to the other and believe them when they say they are not happy. Issues can be resolved when problems are addressed prior to the loss of hope.
When someone is NOT financially cooperating in the relationship why is this accepted? and for how long should it?
When children are involved and only one parent is invested why do you have more children? Why is this not addressed or solved?
As we can see, failing to see the potential dangers that lead to a divorce is what most couples end up doing. Leaving issues to solve themselves is not a good strategy.
Our emotions make decisions for us an although we are entitled to our negative emotions we are not entitled to our negative actions.
a marriage is an opportunity to build a family, not a Russian roulette game.
A the time of a divorce, people gravitate towards personal individualized concerns rather than a collective concern. Not knowing what is expected and what the process of divorce is, can predispose you to being manipulated into an unnecessary battle, poor decisions, and loss of money.
Guidelines have been put into place to help divorcing couples settle their maters prior to filing for a divorce. To expect to see what your entitled to, or believe in being emotionally fair, leads towards disappointment.
Yes, every State has guidelines and ever State addresses divorce differently. Therefore, the fist step is knowing if the State you live in is a 50/50 property Law State or an Equitable Distribution State. if you live in a community 50/50 State law this means your assets will most likely be considered a jointly owned asset. This does NOT mean everything is split in equal shares. this means I will be considered to almost be equal shares where necessary. ( Unless it’s negotiated prior to divorcing)
In an Equitable Distribution State property assets are divided fairly. Therefore, the suggestion is to divide assets according to what was built during the marriage. (Unless it’s negotiated prior to divorcing)
These both have exceptions to the rules when it comes to separate property, which is property acquired before marriage and inheritances. In addition to sections for hiding assets from the other party.
Understanding these principals is the first step when considering a divorce. Why? because it sets you on the path of what will take place in a divorce.
The complicated part as I mentioned before is ones positional stance on what your soon to be ex derserves. Your emotional state decides what and how your divorce will be. Therefore, take into consideration this family structure you no longer want to be part of should be treated with respect, kindness, courtesy, and clear of irrational expectations.